But kids these days NEEEEED a computer!

Some people would say that computers are so dangerous that children should not be able to use them.  While this may be true in some cases, computers are simply a fact of life in American society.

Computer skills will be required for most gainful employment and will certainly be necessary to perform the functions of desirable careers that we wish for our children.  As such, we need to make sure that computers are not hidden from the children.  We need to provide access and instruction that is positive and responsible at the same time.  To repeat what is often both said and ignored, "children learn by example" and we are their teachers.

There are a few things to consider when getting your children started with computers and if desired, providing Internet access.

Location & Internet Access:

In many cases, the family computer is already located in a centralized portion of the living area.  If this is the case, you're halfway there.  If not, consider that your work is lessened if the computer is place in a centralized living area where the screen is viewable to others in the room (ie:parents/guardians) w/o anybody having to sneak around or lean over shoulders.

This allows the user to understand that their activity is not secret while providing a sense of limited privacy as others are not constantly leaning in over their shoulder.

If the computer has unfiltered Internet access, this is also necessary should any unapproved content find it's way to the screen.  There are many ways to filter access, but in all cases, it's best to have the screen viewable without taking invasive actions that invade the immediate personal space of the user.

Internet access can be filtered in a variety of ways.  There is software that can be installed in the computer.  There are hardware/software solutions (such as ipcop) that can be installed at the router.  In extreme cases, there are spyware programs that secretly log the activity and send it to the parent.

Children with laptops present issues with relation to computer placement.  You obviously can't see the screen if your child is sitting in the closet under the stairs or hiding under their covers at 3am.  Laptops are also easy to hack past the filtering software since they can easily be handed over to a friend with a little bit of knowledge on the subject.

In summary, pay attention to the computing environment, make sure that the location of the computer lends it's self to access and accountability at the same time.  Try not to use spyware as it diminishes trust and leads to advanced bypassing skills at an early age.  If you want to be honest about stopping bad content, install something like ipcop and let the whole family live by the rules.

HW/SW solutions like ipcop can also be configured to filter traffic to specific computers at specific times.  One can limit access for certain computers from bedtime till walk up and prevent midnight chat sessions with pedophiles pretending to be classmates.

Anonymity & Your Children

We need to make sure our children understand the importance of anonymity on the internet.

The internet is a place that we go for research, networking, shopping, entertainment, etc.  Although it was marketed and expanded during our lifetimes, our children will not know a world without it.

Consider what today's children use the internet for.  More time is spent on facebook, myyearbook, myspace, and countless other social sites than on research for homework and self education.  These sites, although not inherantly evil, are designed in a way that gathers and publicizes personal information about each user.

Millions of kids are comfortable in their own home, setting up profiles with their full name, school, interests, parents information, etc.  They are not aware of the dangers associated with this information falling into the wrong hands.

We don't often discuss the importance of privacy with our children.  This should be a priority in a day and age where everything ends up "in the wild" so to speak.  A little bit of anonymity can go a long way in protecting our children.

Are Your Children Producing & Distributing Child Pornography?

If the statistics are true, they just might be.  We have always known that each generation takes the previaling technolgy and uses it in a new way.  This has always been the case and always will.  The computer our parents used was for work.  The computer our children use is for entertainment.

It is common practice for children to take provocitive images and post them to social networking sites.  However, the pictures that make it to the social networking sight are often just the tip of the iceberg.  Boys and girls alike receive peer pressure to snap a quick pic on their camera phone and "share" it.

What many people have failed to realize, is that this constitutes child pornography.  When an underage boy or girl takes a nude photo with their camera, they are legally being considered producers of child pornography.  The fact that they are a child doesn't necessarily count in that situation.

Sending that picture adds "distibution of child pornography" to the list of charges.  Again, it doesn't matter that the picture is of themself, was taken by themself, and was sent as a picture mail to somebody.

Now to the recipient.  By receiving this picture mail, they an now be charged with receiving child porn.  Should they forward it, add distribution.  Should they keep it, it's posession.

The laws were obviously written before child pornography was able to be produced and distributed by the victim of such pornography.  As such the laws will probably change in some way to accomodate those situations.  However, education would be a small start.  In cases where your child gets caught in any part of this circle, they may be deemed a sex offender.

Even if they are the star of the child pornography that they personally produced, they may have to register as a sex offender for the rest of their lives.  This is probably not the burden that you want for your young child.  Given that children have been playing "show me yours and i'll show you mine" for what could be the entire history of clothed humanity, the convenient and pseudo private nature of portable electronic devices (pda/digital camera/camera phone) creates a significant danger to your childs ability to live a normal adult life w/o being registered as a sex offender...

The Internet Is On The Cellphone

For the uninitiated parent, internet access is not limited to the home computer.  Your kids also have access via todays portable devices such as cellphones.    Sites that are sometimes abused are easily accessible via mobile portals.  

For example, the mobile portal for myspace works not only from higher end pda phones but also from the lower end phones found in backpacks and back pockets in your home.  If a parent neglects to understand this fact, the "grounding from myspace" doesn't work out too well.  

Keeping children safe is not as simple as blocking myspace from your home router or telling them "no myspace for a week".  If they want it, they will access it.  Unfortunately, if they want to hide it from you, you're probably not going to know about it until it's too late.

The Coolest Parents Ever!!!

If you want to be the coolest parents at school you have to give the kids access to something they can't easily get at another parents house.

The easiest way to do this is to provide unmonitoried high speed internet access.  Make sure and setup a comfortable environment safe from prying parental eyes, particularly in a basement or a kids room on the other end of the house.

This at least allows the kids access to what they want and some chance of getting it w/o getting caught.  Since news travels fast, this information will find it's way around school as soon as the next video including 2 cups starts "going viral".  This will also allow a stress free environment for the kids to watch phone pics and videos of the "hottest girls/guys" in school putting on a show and enjoying the subsequent attention for being "so cool".

It also allows an easy venue for forwarding some of those compromising photos around the school when necessary.  Also, make sure to NEVER NEVER NEVER ask about their myspace, facebook, myyearbook, friendfinder profiles.  Although they might have nothing to hide, many kids will have three probable scenarios:

1. Blow your mind with what they and their friends are posting on the internet.

2. Show you the "safe" profiles they have created with you in mind.

3. Show you the "safe" profile because they are being the only responsible kids in their school

In short, unfettered access is bad.  If you need to check in on your kids, do it.  This is particularly important during early development and internet exposure.  You have to teach your children how to use the internet unless you want the internet to use your children . . .

Dangers: Fitting In

Peer pressure has been a part of humanity that dates back to organized society. we've tailored and tuned it up to a science since the 50's, but the concept is the same.

In order to fit in, you have to assimilate in some way to what has been defined as normal or slightly better than normal. Even the non conformists were defined by their refusal to conform to specific things in a certain uniform manner. Other than creating a larger number of smaller groups of peer pressure, It accomplished nothing.

That being said, quiet research on the latest facet of normality can be achieved by children w/o supervision.

The phrase "quiet research" can be understood as anything done with a search engine that nobody knows about. It could be as simple as understanding the new iphone that somebody at school is bragging about. It could also be as simple as getting up early to use the computer to find out what a gang bang is. The point is that "quiet research" is often key in finding out how to "fit in".

The phrase "latest facet of normality" is generic for the above reasons. Whatever they happen to be searching for, be it harmless or unsafe, they will find it and it will change on a daily basis. The most consistent aspect of "peer pressure" is that it will generally escalate before it fades away.

The moral of the story: Kids are driven to fit in. They are also able to explore every aspect (good and bad) of their peer pressures in private and without guidance.

Dangers: Unfettered Curiosity

Unfettered access to the internet can be problematic to users of all ages.

However, the curious nature of children creates an exponentially dangerous situation since they may be viewing something without a frame of reference present in adults.

We all know that children are exposed to things at school and on television. Some of this is harmless or assists in their development. However, some of this information is not age appropriate or even potentially risky and damaging. More to the point, we're no longer in a world where children need to ask their parents or teachers for clarification on this type of information.

In our online world, it's often easier and less embarrassing to simply type the curious phrase into a search engine and let the non discerning machines provide the answers. Children will do this. This problem somewhat compounds when we realize that the age of sexual curiosity lowers while access to hardcore pornography has become insanely instant.

While it is not uncommon for those under 13 to have intimate knowledge of oral sex, it's unfortunate that their initial curiosity can be handled by a search engine taking them to a porn movie designed for adults that are desensitized to regular sexual activity.

The old movies from health class are significantly different than the movies filmed to target the 40yr old online gamers that don't have healthy sexual relationships with an unpaid partner.

Sexual curiosity is just an obvious example. There are many other things that children will no longer have to ask about. It's as easy to learn how to build a birdhouse as it is to learn how to prepare a back back bomb. Information is not necessarily the problem. However, unfettered access to each and every curiosity might be.

As parents, we must find a way to inject ourselves into the process of seeking out information that may not be age appropriate. While we shouldn't necessarily hid our children under rocks, we should provide the safest learning and growing environment possible for their development.